My little guy is about to be 5 years old, and the never ending case of baby fever flares up even stronger this time of year. As I sit down to write invitations, and shop for party decorations at the store, I remember the feel of that tiny baby in my arms, and feel like crying for the loss of all things baby, at the same time that I'm planning and preparing to celebrate the independent little boy that has replaced those things, and all the legos, army guys, dinosaurs, and star wars characters that have taken the place of all the bottles, pacifiers, and onesies. Of course it never helps baby fever when it seems like you always know at least one person that is either pregnant or has just had a baby. But that's life. Brian is still not ready to entertain the idea of another baby, but deep down I know he's right. I need to finish getting the finances back in order, and we probably need to move to a different house before a baby can be a possibility. I just really thought I'd have all my children before I'm 30. Lol. I know how ridiculous that sounds. Brian tells me often that I'm not half as old as I think I am some times. But I do feel like time for planning babies is running out. But I just have to keep reminding myself that only God knows for sure, and I need to be looking to Him for my happiness, and not to another baby. He's already blessed me with one miracle little boy, and he's turning 5, and is getting very excited about that. But first we have to get through Halloween. Trick or Treat tonight as Darth Vader. He's so anxious to get going.
I finally feel like I'm starting to settle in at church. I've met a great bunch of ladies through my Bible Study group, and I feel like I have learned so much, and grown so much in my faith, and my walk with God, in just a few short weeks. Brian's still putting off going to check it out, but I'm hopeful that he'll like it when he goes. Or at least that he won't hate it. I still dream about the day that we all regularly attend church as a family, but I can't make that day happen, and I have to work on not pushing so hard. And not letting my disappointment show whenever he says maybe next week. That's just another form of pressure, and it doesn't help either of us.
As for me, and I'm working on it. Working on it all. It's one I do best. Pushing myself to constantly do better, be better, clean more, stitch more, save more. I am nothing if not my own worst enemy. And then there's the every present inner brat - Annie, who whines away in my head that I shouldn't have to clean on my day off, I should get to enjoy my day off just like everyone else; and I shouldn't have to spend time looking over sales add and clipping coupons to get the best deals, I should be able to just go in and buy what I want (alhtough this one, not so much any more. It's almost become a point of pride for me to work towards saving at least as much as I spent - and I am determined that I WILL do it; at some point.) She is a jealous little creature. But I'm working on her too. (If you haven't discovered your inner brat, trust me, she's there. One of the many things I've learned from FlyLady and her friends over the past couple of years. LOL.)
As for everything else. I just finished up another piece for the shop, Granny's Noel Throw. It's one of my favorite patterns. I made it last year with every intention of selling it, but as the pattern came together, I knew I wouldn't be able to part with it. So I kept that one for myself, and remade the pattern this year for the shop. Now that Granny's Noel is done, and listed, I'm working on a personal project - a snuggie for myself. It's a fairly simple pattern and one that I'm hoping will work up quickly. For right now, I'm leaning toward the wedding rings pattern for my next shop piece, but I haven't firmly decided yet. I'm still kicking around ideas.
For now though, I think I'm all caught up. So I'm going to get off the computer, hang up the delicates that I just washed, and toss in another load before I pick up the crochet hook for some work.